Another year passes by. 9 years and it seems like yesterday when you promised me you will always be with me. As I type these words, I squeeze my eyes shut tight and wish desperately to feel you – to hear your voice call me Jitu again. I need a sign – a sign everything will be all right. A sign that will make me stronger to face the days ahead. I wipe those tears rolling down my cheeks and tell myself to act my age and write a beautiful post in your memory.

I wish I had something to write but all I can feel is bitterness.

I miss you more than ever. I wish I had the answers and knew what to do. I wish I could ease the hurt and pain just like you used to do. I feel helpless. My words seem hollow. All I can do is wish for the best.

I will keep up the unspoken words of promise I made to you – I will always love and cherish being your granddaughter. I will work the hardest to ease the pains and the sadness – the past couple of years and today as I carry within me not just the pain of losing you.

After all these years all I want to do is stomp around you and demand answers and maybe even throw a tantrum – the way I always have.

I miss you mamaiyaa. Wherever you are I just hope you have not abandoned us.