Happy Birthday Mamaiyaa! It is strange how life revolves around your birthday for me these days. Has it been a year since kuttyma sang happy birthday and cut the chocolate-pistachio cake from Cedele?

I think back to the year it has been and I would say this is the year I finally was the granddaughter you believed me to be. I was stronger than I ever imagined myself to be. Oh I did breakdown – very often into tears and sulks (no surprises there) but I moved on.

I think you would be happily surprised to see me today.

This year I read – a lot. I am extremely proud of it and I am sure you will be too. There are so many moments when I see the news or read something in one of the books that I wanted to share it with you – especially when Indians were/are making a mockery of women. I miss sharing my thoughts on the topic with you. I miss how open you were to women being themselves and equal to men. I wonder how you were so modern when majority of the men in 2013 are backward. I have never met anyone who could discuss stuff with me the way you did.

But the best lessons are the hardest

– This year I understood words are insufficient to console a mother in tears

– This year I think I saw how bitter love can be

– This year I realized how painful it is to say goodbye to kuttyma

– This year I understood how horrible memories are

– This year I realized how greed and money corrupt people.

– This year I learned traditions you started lost their purpose. As with everything change is inevitable, I do realize it but ……..

– This year I learned how horrible a cancer scare can be. I feel blessed that it was not the dreaded C.

– This year I learned some blood ties run deep. Some siblings actually sense things while others imagine things. I wonder which category me and KA will fall. Again a topic I would have loved to discuss with you.

– This year I learned how “fake” our society is.

– This year I learned that to some people others are just bodies existing and death of someone you know is NOT a heart wrenching goodbye.

– This year I feel in love with the power of words. I learned that writing out my emotions make me feel better.

– This year I learned that when ridden with guilt and unable to face their own conscience people tend to point fingers forcefully and vehemently at others.

– This year I realized that the best thing I can do is let go and live.

– And finally I realized as you promised you are around us covering us with your blanket of guidance. You give us answers – yes the path you provide maybe painful and hard but you are there watching over us. It fills me with relief beyond words.

 

This year and every year ahead I always try to respect people for the decisions they take and savor the moments.

Happy 83rd Birthday Mamaiyaa!