Almost 2 years in Singapore and 1 month away from it has made me think. It is time to look back and write. My thoughts and experiences. My hits and misses.

I remember the excitement that bubbled up within me as I planned my move to Singapore. I had never set foot in Singapore previously but I just imagined it to be my own Eden. I expected the place to be where my dream home will be. I had stars in my eyes as I boarded the long-haul flight from Houston.

The Family sculpture at the immigration hall in Changi International Airport welcomed us. It was perfect – the family depicted could have been us. I fell in love with the airport. The only airport where the airport doubled a mall.

All I remember about my first days in Singapore was the hectic pace and the humidity. I expected both (I made an educated move you see?). I expected humidity to stick around and the hectic pace to ease off. Sadly, it never did.

I have spent quite some time trying to figure out why my life was so hectic in Singapore – a relatively smaller place. I have no concrete answers just a bunch of maybes. Life in Singapore is hectic. Family time, rest and relaxation became foreign concepts while I struggled between full-time job and commitments. Was it just me? Or did most of Singapore struggle with the work-life balance? Another question that got me mixed responses.

A full-time maid – proclaimed many of my friends as the answer – one who does everything from baby-sitting to baking cookies. I was scared to let go of my privacy. My argument was that I need the space to scream and fight with my husband in privacy (while the truth was more in line with hanging out with skimpy clothes without intrusion).

While on the topic of privacy, I learned the fine art of answering with half-truths. When questions like – how much you earn and when are you having your next baby are thrown at you by random strangers (read taxi drivers, waiters and cashiers at the supermarket) you learn. Just like I tell other moms that my daughter cannot write or spell. You just learn to underplay (and at times exaggerate) any situation while adding “lahs” and “mehs” in the Red Dot.

I feasted on tropical fruits and sighed in relief when I could get a quick Indian meal to satisfy my cravings. I drunk cups of chai and ate roti paratas like they were going out of stock. I marveled at my reduced carbon footprint and the small sustainable changes I was able to bring to my life. I spent hours at the library (while bitterly complaining about the borrowing limit and the reservation fees) and discovered new authors. I found the similarities between Chinese traditions and the ones I grew up with and drove deeper into understand them.

I picked up few words of Mandarin, Malay and Bahasa while cringing inwardly every time someone around me spoke in Singlish (I hit panic mode when kuttyma started speaking Singlish). I understood what obsession was – be it gadgets or Hello kitty. Singapore opened my eyes. I discovered that the so called tourist traps were worth a visit. I discovered a brand new set of friends through twitter and absolutely loved connecting with people here.

I loved wearing kurtis and chudidars to work and calling them formal. I gaped in wonder as I saw sky-high heels and sundresses make it to the office. My unadorned and unevenly clipped nails did make a statement amongst the perfectly manicured ones. I watched in wonder as blushes were applied and smoky eye makeup were perfected around me as I threw every piece of makeup I owned into the dumpster – my humble rebel against the melting heat and humidity.

I never understood the perfection Singapore craved. I never understood why malls needed to be so huge and repetitive. I never understood why people complained bitterly about “Change Shifts” in taxis or about the price difference between La Pau Sat and Amoy. I never understood why National Day firework rehearsals start a month earlier. I never understood the demand for the tuition/enrichment centers and slimming centers at every corner. After spending nearly 2 years there, I was still lost trying to figure it out.

I understood but could not accept life revolving around HDBs, MCs (medical certificate) and COEs. I understood but could not accept the varying air quality and its effects on my health. I understood freebies and their lure but could not accept that people stood for hours to get a freebie worth a nominal amount.

I got tired of answering people that I do not take my 3 year old to get a perm. I got tired of waiting for something called customer service. I got tired of explaining to people why I moved to Singapore instead of staying in the US. I got tired of explaining to people that I am not worried if my daughter does not know all her alphabets at the age of 3. I got tired of telling people that I cook at home.

I got overwhelmed at the education system and the pressure the system put on kids barely out of their diapers. I counted pennies when I heard what the “international schools” charged per semester for 3 year olds. I got overwhelmed by the unwanted, free advise people threw at me. I got overwhelmed at the need to defend my personal choices to random strangers. I was overwhelmed by the eating options available.

I could not accept how insignificant human life was in the tiny island. I could not accept how bottom line meant more than life. I could not accept the hectic lifestyle. I could not accept that no matter how hard I try, I was fighting a battle I could not win.

I discovered myself and a great city-country. I discovered new relationships and put to rest some old ones. I discovered authors and dancers.And then it was time for goodbyes.

I said  goodbyes in my own fashion – a pilgrimage to the libraries and the great tourist traps (zoos, museums, aquarium, hop-on buses, DUCK tours and such).

It was great knowing you Singapore. We did not gel but in my own way, I do miss you and may our paths cross soon.