Next week marks my 8th month of social distancing. Like most of us, I have been working from home and trying to keep away from people and places. I won’t lie but I have enjoyed it more than I have whined about it.

8 months and counting….

I am one of the lucky few. My work and my husband’s let us work with minimal interruption from home. The daughter transitioned from elementary to middle school online. We canceled plans blamed the virus and everyone else along the way.

8 months and counting….

I started writing to keep sane and refused to publicize my posts. The words flew and every so often I felt a sense of belonging. The protective net I had over my family tightened and gratitude for the advantages of modern day life and the internet grew.

8 months and counting….

Tears I wiped and consolations I gave. Condolences too. It remains hard. Hope seems to have abandoned many. There were some who baked and learned new skills. There were binge watched and moaned. And then there were some fighting anxiety and their own selves. I watched it all. I wondered where I fit in. I did what I normally did and prodded along.

8 months and counting….

A few days back, I clicked on some random video on my Twitter feed. It was a flash mob of the Ode to Joy. An old one from 2012 and that was my breaking point. I sobbed for the journeys I missed, the lunch time walks around Downtown Houston I never made time for. For the artists who are now finding and funding their lives on social media. I shed tears for the freedom I gave up.

I have watched more dance performances in the past 8 months than before and yet it doesn’t seem real. It seems elusive and something that is not complete. It is far off and yet in my own hands. There is so much content being generated by artists around the world and I enjoy them from the comforts of my home and yet I want more.

8 months and I hit my breaking point when I saw a video of flash mob in a plaza in Europe in 2012. I wonder when we can gather around and enjoy the connections we build with strangers and our own. Despite feeling content, I sobbed for the 8 months that have gone by and the next 6 (or more).

I am content and yet in tears. Think I have hit the bottom and maybe it is all upwards after this.

Maybe…