This post first appeared at the Robinage Blog

If someone ever gave me a rupee each time I was asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I would have a serious investment portfolio all set up and would be looking to retire in the coming 5 years. Unfortunately it doesn’t happen that way.

Your uncle, aunt’s cousin twice removed and his pet cat, the flower vendor, the auto driver, the random stranger you share the seat with on the bus – everyone is curious about “ambition” and “future plans”. Lofty words used right from the time you can talk. School essays constantly have “When I grow up, I want to be” as a topic. To test kids creative and writing skills.

I admit it is quite a good conversation starter, an ice breaker at dinner tables and parties. Kids get warmed up with that question. The answers from the kid ensure that the parents have fodder to talk. It keeps things moving. But I have often wondered why we ask this loaded question. Why do we need to have a stock answer ready? A doctor, a fireman, a teacher and such.

I remember mentioning I wanted to be a psychiatrist, a botanist and more when I was in my teens. They were shot down. I was taunted and traumatised for my choices. I retreated into my shell wondering what I was doing wrong. It left a mark. A scar. Something I carried into my journey as a mother. Thinking about it today, I was probably fascinated by these professions and would not have preferred to do it as a grown-up. But at some point in life it mattered.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is one question I try not to ask my 5 year old. (or any other kid I meet) I don’t want her to feel the undue pressure the society and parents put on kids. I don’t want her to grow up. I want her to skip, hop and dream about unicorns and rainbows. Butterflies and destinations unknown. I don’t want her to feel that life is about a degree and a profession. Instead I remind her that the most important thing in life is to find things that make her happy. Like glitter and trips to the swimming pool.

I point out to the tulip design on my cappuccino and tell her it is an art to create such designs – latte art. “You can train to be a barista. You can create these stuff when you grow up,” I tell her. “Nah!” she shrugs off munching her cookie. “Amma, can I be more than one thing when I grow up?” she asks with cookie crumbs coating her face. I squash the urge to clean her face and shut down the logical voice screaming in my mind. “Ofcourse. You can be anything you want to be. Whatever brings you happiness,” I affirm. She wipes her face and smiles. The smile melts my heart – it is the one I want her to carry through the ages. The genuine-from-the-heart smile not like the fake ones I often sport at boring meetings and networking meets.

“I want to be a Ballerina, a Doctor, a Dentist, a Veterinarian and an Astronaut,” she declares earnestly watching my face. Her voice filled with hope and her eyes probing. “An astronaut who dances in space,” her dad quips. She doubles in laughter. “Oh daddy! You are so funny,” she giggles.

I hope that she will have reasons to giggle and double with laughter as she grows older – to enjoy the moments and make memories. And when someone asks her what do you want to be when you group, I hope she adds the word “happy” before any profession she chooses.

The happy Ballerina!

The happy Doctor!

The happy Dentist!

The happy Vet!

The happy Astronaut!

The happy Girl!