I will be the first to admit that I am not a confident person. I am always sure I will fail. The people around me hold me up. They reassure me that I can do it but I still do not believe myself. I have been trying to cultivate confidence and it is a tough battle. Often I have wondered if it is a gender thing.

A few days before, my 8-year old daughter mentioned that she is sure “she will mess up” at a dance performance. It was a shocker. I realized I will have to work harder to improve her self-confidence. Maybe it is a woman thing. Maybe it is not. But right now, I am working on building and cultivating my daughter’s confidence.

Here are some small ways, I have been attempting to raise a more confident daughter.

Focus on growth and not perfection

No one is perfect and mistakes happen. I find that it is always good to focus on the positives. I make sure I compliment my daughter before gently correcting her. There is always room for growth and that remains the focus. Perfection is never the target.

Compliment

Always find something good to say. Find the positives and be generous with your compliments. To everyone. Our children need to see us complimenting others also. They afterall model our behavior.

Learn to accept a compliment

How often do we fumble when complimented? I admit I often have no clue how to react when some one compliments me. A graceful and simple thank you always works. I have been practicing it and also teaching my daughter about it.

Forget the competition

While healthy competition is always good, focusing on competition is a drain on energy. It is the source of insecurity. Instead focus on ways to improve and win. Teach children that winning is not dependent on others. This is a difficult one in the world of reality television and high pressure competitions. Our children do not need that stress.

Seek heroes

Our children need heroes and role models they can relate to. Find them. They are everywhere – in books, in movies and in real life. Seek inspiration from them.

Plan to deal with insecurities

There will be moments of self-doubt and fear. Moments when your child will want to run and hide. Plan ahead on how to face such situations. I incorporate role plays as a part of the preparation and they help. Knowing how to react when insecurities raise their ugly head is a wonderful beginning.

So how do you help your children be more confident? I would love to hear from you.