April 11 2013

This is my 3rd stint sans Kuttyma. I usually let her spend a few days with her grandparents. She gets pampered and above all she learns she can always run to her grandparents for comfort, hugs and unconditional love. I am glad we moved to Singapore so that my daughter could form these bonds at the correct age. In the past I attempted because it seemed like a good idea and the timings worked out. I enjoyed the small break it offered me and indulged. But this time around I have a business trip and I am forced to depend on others to take care of kuttyma while I travel (not that the grandparents are complaining)

I am taking it hard this time. I feel lost. I feel incompetent. I feel I have let my daughter alone. I feel guilty (yes the typical working-out-of-home-mother guilt)

I know these thoughts are irrational. I have the best hand and it is a win-win situation all around. It is hard convincing myself.

I try to shake off the melancholy that is settling in as I comb my hair.

I see the clumps of hair fall down. I know they will be swept away just like my feelings. Tomorrow I will forget what I felt today. Before they disappear like the falling hair I want to collect them and put them down.