“Why do you write?” has been a question thrown at me often. I started writing mostly as a way to deal with my emotions. I was drowning in them as I tried to deal with the grief of losing my grandfather.

I wrote on paper and floated them on rivers. I balled my words and threw them into my make-shift basketball hoop (aka the dustbin) before I decided to save my words forever digitally in 2007.

It has been 12 long years since I heard my grandfather’s voice wish me luck and promise me everything would be fine. The voice has faded away leaving me hollow and angry. I am trying to find a way to put those emotions to words yet again as his 12th death anniversary draws close.

Meanwhile I go back and read the old posts I have written every almost-every year in his memory. The feeling hasn’t changed much has it. I am still the broken one complaining of abandonment and wishing for things to be different. Will that ever change?

2015 – Faded and Blurred

2014 – 10 Years of Missing

2014 – Another Birthday

2014 – Food Escapades with my grandfather

2013 – Bitterness

2013 – Cake, Candles and Lessons

2013 – Fluid Mechanics

2012 – The phases of my year

2012 – Lurking in a corner

2011 – Regrets

2011 – Missing a loved one

2010 – Memories

2009 – I didn’t write this year about my grandfather.

2008 – Four Years

2008 – Under the shade of the banyan tree

2007 – My favorite teacher