This year marks the 6th year of Mother’s Day wishes that were piled on me. The first year was very moving – I was on bed rest and throwing up well past the first trimester. I was caught between wondering why I even thought I could be a mother and feelings of just getting over with it. The wishes that year made me cry.

The intervening 4 years passed in a blur. Kuttyma was too young to understand what it means. R coached her to wish me and we always went out for dinner or did something together. But it was just another day. I didn’t need that Sunday in May to remind me that I am a mother or that I deserve to be celebrated. I don’t think I ever forgot I was a mother.

This year, Kuttyma really understands what the day is all about. She has been getting into the spirit of Mother’s Day days ahead thanks to her teachers at school. She has been talking about it non-stop. 10 days before the “big” day, she had “plans”

She surprised me one day with this piece of paper. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. I think I did both. I hugged her and cried. The imperfections made it perfect. I did tell her the mistake she made. She came back from school the next day with this – “I wrote it correctly mommy” she declared.I cried again.

I admit I often have doubts about this motherhood thing. I am not sure if I am doing it right or if I am trying to push my agenda on her. There are moments when I ridden with guilt and moments when I lose my cool – those moments make me wonder about the future we will share. The responsibilities, the unknowns, the dangers and the fights – the journey forward looks daunting. But there are these small moments when I am so grateful for the joys of motherhood.

She attended the craft time at the local library and came back with these. I helped her create them but I was supposed to “forget” them and pretend to be surprised. She kept them “safely” in her room before handing them to me on Sunday. I think we can safely replace Kollywood mothers and daughters – we do over-the-top emotions better than the best.

My treasure box

Her school teachers helped her make this handprint book. She drew us – curly hair and straight hair together. We look perfect don’t we?

She also potted this flowering plant all by herself. She came back with a bunch of instructions which I try to reproduce verbatim  “it should have bit of sun and bit of shade. Not too much. You should not water it every day. You should put a bit of water – only a bit of water mommy. Not everyday. If you water today, no need tomorrow but day after you should” The plant now stands proudly on our outdoor table getting the “right amount of sun and water”

Pretty Petunia in Purple

She worked with her dad on this card the night before Mother’s Day

A good Mother’s Day filled with mixed feelings of pride, fear, responsibility and happiness. Kuttyma on her side has started making plans for next year’s Mother’s Day. She wants to make me breakfast with heart-shaped cookies for dessert and flowers on the side just like they do in “restaurants”. I am supposed to teach her how to cook so that she gets ready to do it by herself next year.

Wish me patience and luck. I sure do need it.