Please tell me I am not the only one who is not into nostalgia.

Nostalgia – the sentimental and wistful longing for the past is a part of human nature. I have a rather strange relationship with nostalgia. I indulge in it but I feel I tend to oversimplify the past and see back with rose-colored glasses on. I don’t remember the painful pieces and tend to focus only on the happier version. Nothing wrong with it but I feel guilty to celebrate the joys without thinking about the pains.

My take on nostalgia has been a huge conversation topic with friends who get me. And being my friends they let me get away with it. (Yes, you know who you are and thank you for that). Maybe when I am older, I would realize I was completely wrong about nostalgia. In someways I wish I will be proved wrong. How beautiful it is to have something to cling on to from the past.

Between my introversion and my take on nostalgia, I am clearly not a Whatsapp alumni group material. I tend to mute my groups and clear them out without reading through them.

The quarantine has brought out a lot of nostalgic emotions in people. Quite obviously a way to manage stress and the uncertainty. My friends and classmates fall into that category. I would get a root canal and a mammogram if I can get out of these alumni zoom meetings.

The introvert in me panics at the sight of so many faces with traces of the past and the voices blur as I can feel my panic rise. I don’t think many people get what it means for an introvert to be on a group video chat. (Yes, I have similar issues on my work calls too. I have to use so much energy to respond and be a part of meetings that I find myself getting exhausted more than usual when I depend on video chats and calls.)

Nostalgia is a safe place for us to retreat to during these times of uncertainty. Connections with people from the past has been a balm to many of us as we battle together. The popularity of the chats are a clear indication of how people gather together in hard times to seek comfort. If you are organizing or participating in one of these chats remember to include the muted introvert who will want to connect but finds it better being a wallflower.

Well for me, it is a different story. As nostalgia-averse introvert I try to force myself to connect, to be a team player. But I find myself silenced by the noise inside and outside. I find excuses to escape from the group and have one-on-ones with a few.

Do I wish I were different? Of course yes at times. But then this me. And the friends who matter know it and let me be. Oh yes, they did give me a hard time for logging on to a chat without video and audio muted and escaping 20 minutes into the conversation without having opened my mouth. I don’t think I will ever be able to live down to that. But they also had a parallel conversation going on with me to keep me entertained. Did I tell you I have some awesome friends?