I love social media. I love to be connected with friends. I love learning new things that social media feeds me regularly. I was active on Facebook – really active for the longest time. I loved the ability to stay connected with the lives of old friends miles apart and it made life fuller. I enjoyed sharing tit-bits about my life and learning what my friends are up to.

I drooled over food photos, dreamed about vacation destinations, got all mushy over baby pictures, went on trips down memory lane and got teary-eyed seeing wedding pictures. I was the kind of person Facebook was created for. I was there a few times a day. Once I linked my account to my Iphone I was there more than a handful of times a day.

It was not about “liking” or “sharing” things. It was the information that Facebook provided that kept me hooked. I was an addict and I was happy to be one. I could not believe how people lived without Facebook.

I enjoyed movie and book reviews. I enjoyed viewpoints of different friends on current affairs. My Newsfeed had a great mix of interesting articles that I could relate with. I had blocked off most of the game updates and meaningless photos people were tagged in. I kept my Newsfeed clean and the way I wanted.

But, unlike my blog Facebook was my happy medium. No rants. Very few emotional outbursts. Very few scars focussed there. It was sharing the happinesss. I did not count the likes or the shares. I enjoyed the feeling of being connected.

I created lists to ensure that some things stayed private within my “near and dear” cirlce. I constantly monitored these lists and I had it all figured out. Then lightening struck. I suddenly decided I was sharing too much on Facebook and others were judging my life (just like I judged theirs) via what they see online.

I decided to be a silent spectator and view the Facebook games from far. It was fun but just as addicting. One minute I was laughing at something and the next getting upset about some snarky message posted there. This went on for few months. I broke the silence when I desperately needed my friends to stand for me and with me during a scary period in life. (They did and they went beyond Facebook. Most of my friends emailed/called me)

I woke up, exhausted and overwhelmed with my emotions. The truth was staring at me. The friends who cared and who I needed to connect with did not need Facebook. Without further thought, I disabled my account. I thought I will get back to it in a few weeks when I let the emotions in me die out.

It has been 4+ months and I do not have the urge to get back to Facebook (oh well I am lying – at times I am tempted to get back just to see some pictures and pass more judgements but I am resisting the occasional urges). I have been feeling a sense of peace and bliss that I did not have during my relationship with Facebook. As much as I would like to say that I wisened up and learned to handle stress better – the truth was my changed relationship.

Just like I dumped some real-life relationships, I dumped my relationship with Facebook. I do not feel guilty or sad or disconnected. All I feel is a sense of contentment and happiness. I did not have to track the lives of 400 odd friends (tracking my life and kuttyma’s is enough for me). I did not care if X had a baby or if Y brought a poodle. If the news has to reach me, there are multiple ways to connect and share the news with me. I am still socialmedia active. I am just off Facebook and the one-dimensional view of my life I was putting up there.

I have had friends and family ask why I disappeared. Now you know the answer. It may not have made sense to you but to me it BLACK and WHITE.

Will I be back? Maybe. I am not closing the door. My account is just disabled and I can re-activate it any time. I am just not ready to do it.

How can you reach out to me? I am still active on Twitter. By email – poohsden at gmail dot com. On Whatsapp or Imessage for those who have my number. LinkedIn for environmental engineer side of me. Leave a comment here. How many more ways do I need to stay in touch?