is vicious. It goes around no matter what. Bumpy roads and smooth pavements. Over flowers and crap. It keeps rolling. It shakes off the dirt and stones sticking to it with every turn. You can clean it every day but the truth is it gets dirty. Such is the cycle of life.

I never knew the undercurrents when I was younger. No one told me. I believed in what was in front of my eyes. I refused to look beyond the land of goodness in front of me. I thought I had grown-up when I started sensing the bumps, the undercurrents, the dirty laundry or whatever name you want to give it. I felt grown-up. I was told things that no one shared with me in my youth. Things told in confidence. The good, the bad and the ugly cycles along the road of life. Though I never had to do anything to make these cycles cleaner or easier I knew it. It was empowering.

I know I have grown-up when I accepted that whether I liked it or not the years add up and along with the years you can expect some changes but certain things never change. As the cycle rolls, the independent thinkers and free spirits remain the same. They might move cities, they might get the children married off, they might lose partners and their teeth, they might meander and dabble with things but they do not lose their ability to THINK and make decisions on their own.

It is sad to think that after a “certain age” some people are expected not to make decisions on their own. I am not talking rash decisions but the decision to lead a certain life is always a person’s own. The others might give suggestions and advise then they just need to shut up, step back and let the cycle go on. Kind of like parents teaching their kids to walk. It hurts to see our loved ones fall; make decisions that do not fit with your life. But just because one is older or younger it does not mean the decisions they make should line up with your master plan.

Everyone has their own journey – their own decisions to make – all I can do is support and nod understandingly. I might give my opinions but ultimately it is NOT my life. It was never my life to live or decisions to make. Just like my grandfather proved in his life and death.

I think I have grown-up.

What brings this along you ask? After all the book reviews, craft activities and kuttyma posts? The people who counted each of my fingers and called me a marvel. The people who bonded over me and let me make my own decisions even though it was the last thing they would have liked me to do celebrate their pearl jubilee.

The kids are grownup they feel. They ask us for suggestions, opinions and thoughts. We (KA and myself) were taught to speak by these very people and it fells empowering. But often the decisions they make are not the decisions I would have preferred. I accepted it is their lives to live and their decisions to make. It was never my decision no matter how many years roll over.

I think I have grownup. Hopefully to someone they are proud of.

A happy 30th anniversary to my parents!