*This post is not going to make sense to most people so feel free to skip it. It is one of my rants with no explanations kind of post*

I ran a rather mechanical life the past year – rushing from point A to B and going on with life in general. It was hectic and it gave me my adrenaline rush. I thrived on it. But unexpected things slowed down and I was shocked not because I did not have things to do and places to run to but because I realized I was missing the obvious.

The obvious in my case being the road leading to what I want in life. If you ask me what I want in life, I have no answer. I am a very confused and my dreams of Shangri-La keep changing with day but I know instinctively if I am on the right path or not. Early part of 2008 I tried convincing myself that I was on the right path when I was obviously on the wrong track – mainly because I did not want to admit I made a mistake and accept my failure. But I gathered courage in the later part of 2008 to admit I am wrong and make changes – changes that never happened. 2009 dawned and life changed again.

What is it with best-laid plans? I had dreams and plans for 2009 and none of them are remotely even close to what I am going through now. I have no regrets today but I am thinking about tomorrow. The logical me tells me to wait and see what the rest of 2009 and early 2010 have for me but the impatient me wants everything in black and white.

I dream, I scold myself, and get set for the biggest change life is about to hand me. It scares me but I guess I am ready. I vow to do more, dream more and live more. And hopefully write more often and put my confused thoughts to words.